Bella's Christmas Bake Off: A fabulously funny, feel good Christmas read by Watson Sue

Author:Watson, Sue [Watson, Sue]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781910751602
Publisher: Bookouture
Published: 2015-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

As filming had finished for lunch and no one was allowed inside Dovecote with hot food (oh the irony), everyone trooped out into the cold to the catering truck. I watched them through the window being handed turkey sarnies with all the trimmings followed by Christmassy cupcakes from the food truck.

As soon as I could I was going out there for a big hot chocolate and a slice of what looked like very fruity Christmas cake – assuming that wasn’t fake. I had only been here a few hours and already the superficiality of these people and this world was getting to me. Looking at Bella’s skinny frame earlier had made me wonder if I should diet, something I would normally never do. Since when did I tell myself to stop eating because I needed to look right? This world was so infectious, with its unreasonable demands on the appearances of presenters and the thinness of women. I gave myself a talking to; Christmas was not the season to be worrying about me, it was a time for others, and my physical appearance on TV was the least of my worries. I was locked in a house with a mean, drunken presenter, her crazy agent, a stroppy Goth and a director who thought he was working on ‘The Taming of the Shrew’.

‘Darling, come over here, I need you to make some notes,’ Bella was saying to Crimson who was reluctantly dragging herself across the floor like a dark-eyed sloth.

‘Now we need to do my Twitter feed,’ she said, patting the stool next to her. Crimson’s face was crumpled as she lumbered up onto the stool; she was clearly furious at being asked to do her job. A part of me didn’t blame her, she seemed to have to do everything for Bella off screen.

‘Write this down,’ Bella directed, composing herself while waiting for Crimson to do the same, but anyone watching knew this may take some time. Eventually Crimson found a pen from about her person, it had a fluffy top and fangs and it waggled ludicrously as she began to write.

‘Now I’m going to say fabulous things and I want you to twitter it out please.’

‘Tweet.’

‘Yes, darling, that’s right.’

‘No... I mean you don’t “twitter” it, you tweet it... OMG who gave old people the internet?’

I waited for a few seconds to see Bella’s reaction, assuming Crimson’s sacking or beheading would be on the menu.

‘That will do, darling,’ Bella smiled sweetly and patted Crimson’s pad indicating she needed to write stuff down. Perhaps Crimson knew where the bodies were buried?

‘Ate the most divine Prosciutto ai Frutti di Stagione at Como Lario last night... the winter fruits were bellissimo. A taste of summer sunshine on a snowy Chelsea night...’

How wonderful, I thought – she has such a great life and she visits all these wonderful restaurants, places I’ve only ever read about in Sunday supplements but doubt I’ll ever eat at.

‘That sounds nice,’ I tried.

‘Yes... my viewers love to know everything about me, and my restaurant tweets always cause a buzz in the twitterati.

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